|
By Natasha Stein, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Have you ever wondered why your heart races before sending an email, why you suddenly go blank during conflict, or why you apologize even when you haven't done anything wrong? These reactions aren't signs that something is wrong with you, they're signs that your nervous system is trying to keep you safe. Our autonomic nervous system talks to us more than we may think, and here's how: Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are automatic, involuntary responses our nervous systems have to danger, stress, or trauma. Fight: -The reaction your body has when it senses that it is in danger, and believes that you can overpower the threat. Your brain releases signals that can then prepare your body for action. -Can often manifest as: clenched jaw, increased heart rate, intense anger, frustration, knot in your stomach, becoming defensive, or irritability. Flight: -Your body may resort to fleeing the threat when it feels it cannot overcome the threat. It can be both physical and mental. -Can often manifest as: overthinking, avoidance, difficulty relaxing, Feeling fidgety, tense, or trapped. Freeze: -Freeze is a response that leaves the individual feeling frozen, paralyzed or “stuck” in place. It’s known as a defense mechanism that kicks in when fighting or fleeing seem impossible or unsafe. -Can manifest as: shutting down, procrastinating, feeling emotionally numb, going still, dissociating, or experiencing a mental fog. Fawn: -This is a lesser known response, but equally as important. Fawning occurs as a response to appease or placate the threat to reduce harm. It is a trauma response to try to “keep the peace.” -Can manifest as: saying yes when you mean no, avoiding conflict, apologizing excessively, prioritizing everyone else's needs, feeling responsible for others' emotions, or people pleasing. Each of these responses are important and occur without choice. These responses are automatic survival reactions, not choices. They’re deeply rooted in our nervous systems and shaped by biology, past experiences, and trauma. References: Algarin, A. B., Lee, J. Y., & Zhan, X. (2026). Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze: Rethinking Substance Use Through a Stress Response Lens. Current addiction reports, 13(1), 21. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-026-00723-5 Taylor, M. (2026, May). What does fight, flight, freeze, Fawn Mean?. What Does Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn Mean? https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-does-fight-flight-freeze-fawn-mean By Emma Dall, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
When many people think of ADHD, they picture someone who is easily distracted, constantly fidgeting, or unable to sit still. Yet these characteristics only tell part of the story. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects much more than attention. It can influence how a person organizes tasks, manages emotions, controls impulses, and navigates everyday responsibilities. ADHD looks different from person to person, and understanding it beyond common stereotypes can lead to greater awareness and compassion. Attention Regulation One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that people with the condition simply "can't pay attention." In reality, ADHD is often better understood as a difference in attention regulation. Many people with ADHD can focus deeply on activities they find interesting or rewarding, while finding it much harder to shift their attention to less engaging tasks. This may look like:
These experiences are not a reflection of intelligence, motivation, or effort. They are related to differences in how the brain regulates attention. Executive Functioning Plays a Major Role Many of the challenges associated with ADHD are connected to executive functioning, which are the mental skills that help us plan, organize, manage time, remember information, and complete tasks. Someone with ADHD may know exactly what they need to do, but have difficulty getting started, staying organized, or following through. This disconnect can be frustrating and is often misunderstood by others. Emotional Regulation ADHD also affects emotional regulation, though this is often overlooked. Many people with ADHD experience emotions more intensely and may have a harder time managing frustration, disappointment, or overwhelm. Learning strategies to recognize and regulate these emotions can be just as important as improving organization or attention regulation. ADHD Looks Different for Everyone No two people experience ADHD in the same way. Some individuals are highly active and impulsive, while others may appear quiet, forgetful, or easily overwhelmed. Symptoms can also change over time, meaning ADHD may look different in childhood than it does in adolescence or adulthood. Because ADHD affects each person differently, support should always be individualized rather than based on generalizations. ADHD Comes With Strengths While ADHD can create challenges, it is also associated with many strengths. Many individuals with ADHD are creative, curious, adaptable, energetic, and innovative thinkers. Recognizing these strengths alongside the challenges provides a more balanced and affirming understanding of ADHD. Finding the Right Support Support can make a meaningful difference. Therapy, medication, accommodations, coaching, and practical strategies can all help individuals better understand how their brains work and develop tools that fit their unique needs. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. The goal is not to change who someone is, but to help them build on their strengths while developing skills to navigate daily life more effectively. References:
By Emma Shelton, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee Have you ever felt overwhelmed by daily stressors, had trouble managing interpersonal relationships, or struggled to regulate your emotions? If so, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) might offer some helpful skills for you. While DBT was originally developed for specific mental health diagnoses, its emphasis on building practical coping skills means it can be helpful in a myriad of situations. And, you don't have to be in DBT therapy to benefit from these skills, as they're designed to help anyone respond to life's challenges more effectively. DBT is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change, two seemingly conflicting ideas. Instead of trying to eliminate difficult emotions and behaviors, DBT teaches us to acknowledge them and validate that these are reasonable responses to the stress we are going through. At the same time, DBT encourages us to recognize that these feelings and behaviors do not define us or have to last forever. We can acknowledge them while choosing behaviors that align with our values and long-term goals. DBT is built around four main skill areas that help people better manage emotions, cope with stress, and improve relationships. These are:
1. Mindfulness Mindfulness has become pretty popular over the years, but at its core, it means being fully present in the moment without judgment. This is important not only because it is the foundation for the other DBT skills, but also because it increases your awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the moment. There are a few ways we can practice this. One way might be simply doing one thing at a time. When you’re eating dinner, instead of watching TV, planning out the rest of your night, and scrolling on your phone, put the distractions away and focus solely on your meal. Another way could be a five-senses grounding exercise. When your anxiety is activated, you may be thinking about the past (I shouldn't have done that) or the future (this is going to ruin everything). Take a moment and:
This simple exercise can help interrupt anxious or racing thoughts and reconnect you with the present moment. 2. Distress Tolerance Distress tolerance, at its core, is about skills for getting through difficult moments without making them worse. This helps us reduce impulsive reactions during emotional crises and become more comfortable sitting in distress. It also builds resilience by allowing us to tolerate situations that cannot be changed immediately. One way to practice this is the TIPP method, which is a set of techniques that can help shift your physical body out of fight-or-flight mode. It stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation
3. Emotional Regulation Emotional regulation is about learning to understand, manage, and respond to your emotions. While we can learn a lot from the emotions we feel in situations, we don’t have to let them dictate our behavior. One way we help decrease our emotional vulnerability is by taking care of ourselves. The PLEASE acronym details how we do this:
When our physical health is struggling, we're more likely to experience intense emotions or have difficulty coping with stress. By taking care of these basic needs, we create a stronger foundation for managing emotions. 4. Interpersonal Effectiveness Interpersonal effectiveness is about communicating clearly, navigating interpersonal relationships, and maintaining your boundaries and self-respect. This can help improve your communication in relationships and increase confidence in expressing your own needs. One way to practice this is the FAST method for maintaining self-respect in relationships.
This frame for interpersonal interaction can help you to engage in communication without sacrificing yourself. The good news is you don't need to be an expert to engage in DBT skills. You can practice these skills whenever you want, in response to whatever stressors come up. However, if you are interested in learning more or engaging in more structured DBT sessions, we are hosting a virtual DBT skills group starting July 15, 2026. References Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. American Psychological Association.  By Natasha Stein, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee Butterfly tapping, also commonly known as the butterfly hug, is a self-soothing technique that is simple, but evidence based! In 1998, Lucina Artigas developed this technique to help trauma survivors calm their nervous systems. Artigas intended for the technique to work alongside EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, but it can also be an effective “on-the-go” form of emotional regulation! The technique consists of wrapping your arms around your chest, as if to hug yourself, and using rhythmic, alternating tapping on your chest to soothe the nervous system. The theory behind the tapping is that by using bi-lateral stimulation (BLS), you are activating the entire brain. The activation helps process and sort thoughts, while regulating emotions. How it works:
What this does: The technique is meant to combine the soothe of self touch, mindfulness, and intentional breathing to ease anxiety. The rhythmic tapping or patting mimics a steady heartbeat and a comforting hug, which can lead to the release of calming neurochemicals in your brain. The butterfly tapping method can be used to manage negative emotions at any time, and in any situation. It can be subtle, or be turned into a mindfulness mediation! References: The butterfly hug technique | trauma research UK. Trauma Research UK. (n.d.). https://traumaresearchuk.org/the-butterfly-hug-technique/ Tappana, J. (n.d.). The butterfly hug & EMDR — aspire counseling. Aspire Counseling. https://aspirecounselingmo.com/blog/the-butterfly-hug-resourcing-amp-bilateral-stimulation-in-emdr  By Emma Dall, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
When many people think of anxiety, they picture someone who is constantly worrying or talking about their fears. While this can be true, anxiety in children often looks very different. Many children don't have the words to explain what they're feeling, so their anxiety shows up through their behaviors, emotions, or even physical symptoms. Because of this, anxiety can easily be mistaken for shyness, defiance, perfectionism, or simply "acting out." Understanding how anxiety presents in children can help parents recognize when their child may need additional support. 1. Irritability and Emotional Outbursts Children experiencing anxiety may become more irritable than usual. They might have frequent meltdowns, cry over small problems, or become easily frustrated when things don't go as planned. This isn't because they're trying to be difficult. Anxiety keeps a child's nervous system on high alert, making it harder to manage everyday stressors. What may seem like an overreaction is often a sign that they're feeling overwhelmed. 2. Physical Complaints Children often experience anxiety physically before they can recognize it emotionally. Common symptoms include:
You may notice these complaints before school, sports practices, birthday parties, or other situations that feel stressful. While it's always important to rule out medical concerns, recurring physical symptoms without a clear cause can sometimes be linked to anxiety. 3. Avoidance Avoidance is one of the most common signs of anxiety. A child may refuse to attend school, avoid social events, hesitate to try new activities, or cling to a caregiver during transitions. Although allowing children to avoid situations may bring temporary relief, it can unintentionally reinforce anxiety over time. Gradually building confidence through support and practice is often more helpful than avoiding the situation altogether. 4. Perfectionism Not all anxious children appear nervous. Some become perfectionists, placing a great deal of pressure on themselves to get everything "just right." They may become upset over small mistakes, spend excessive time completing assignments, or avoid trying something new unless they're certain they'll succeed. Beneath this perfectionism is often a fear of making mistakes, disappointing others, or not being "good enough." 5. Constant Reassurance Seeking Does your child frequently ask questions like:
While occasional reassurance is normal, repeated reassurance seeking can be a sign that your child is struggling to tolerate uncertainty. Although answering these questions may help in the moment, the relief is often temporary, leading them to seek reassurance again and again. 6. Difficulty Concentrating An anxious mind is often busy thinking about "what if" scenarios, making it difficult for children to stay focused. This can sometimes be mistaken for inattention or lack of motivation. Children with anxiety may appear distracted in class, struggle to complete assignments, or have trouble following directions. This is not because they aren't trying, but because their minds are occupied by worries. When Should Parents Seek Additional Support? It's important to remember that every child experiences worry from time to time. Feeling nervous before a big test, trying something new, or meeting new people is a normal part of growing up. However, if anxiety begins interfering with your child's daily life, such as their ability to attend school, make friends, participate in activities, sleep well, or enjoy things they once loved, it may be time to seek additional support. Anxiety doesn't always look the way we expect it to. Sometimes it appears as tears instead of fear, anger instead of worry, or stomachaches instead of anxious thoughts. The behaviors that seem confusing on the surface may actually be your child's way of communicating that they're struggling. The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable. With early support, children can learn to understand their emotions, develop healthy coping skills, and build confidence in navigating challenges. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward helping your child feel understood, supported, and empowered to thrive. References
By Emma Shelton, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
While Pride Month is famously a celebration of queer joy and community, it can also bring up complex emotions. Throughout the month of June, we as queer people may feel the constant urge to express our pride, joy, and general merriment for the identities and lives that we have built for ourselves. However, it can also be a reminder of past rejection, family or relational loss, and internalized fear and shame. Our emotional responses are shaped by our lived experiences, and while we may have plenty of moments of pride and joy, it's completely valid to remember the more complex aspects of our queer identity. The minority stress framework is the idea that marginalized populations (like LGBTQ+ individuals) can experience chronic stressors that impact their current emotional experiences. Chronic stressors can be:
Over time, these stressors can add up to chronic anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional exhaustion, burnout, depressive symptoms, difficulty relaxing in safe moments, and grief. Even in affirming and allied spaces, these feelings can arise as grief, discomfort, comparison, and feeling “not queer enough”. While pride can be a space for connection and queer family, it's important to recognize that not everyone has access to a safe community, and not everyone may feel safe at a big pride event. People of color, transgender, gender nonconforming folks, and people with intersecting identities have historically been marginalized even within the LGBTQ+ community, and may not feel safe at predominantly cisgender and white events. Having mixed emotions about this time of year is completely normal. Whether you're experiencing grief over lost time or family distance, loneliness over lack of a community, or joy at being affirmed and celebrated, how you feel does not invalidate your identity or participation in pride. If you are feeling overwhelmed this month, try some of these exercises to ground yourself and celebrate pride in your own way.
Taproot Therapy is here for you this June, however you may be feeling. Happy Pride! References: The Trevor Project. (2021). Ways young folks can celebrate Pride Month. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/blog/ways-young-folks-can-celebrate-pride/ Hatzenbuehler, M. L. (2009). How does sexual minority stigma “get under the skin”? A psychological mediation framework. Psychological Bulletin, 135(5), 707–730. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0016441 Sanscartier, S., & MacDonald, G. (2019). Connectedness to the LGBTQ community and well-being among sexual minority individuals. Journal of Homosexuality, 66(14), 1983–2005. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31580125/ By Kate (Katie) Pargament, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Summer is here, which means many people are packing their bags and heading off on vacations, weekend getaways, and visits with family and friends. For some people, travel is exciting. For others, it can bring up a lot of anxiety. If you've ever found yourself worrying about being far from your comfort zone, feeling trapped on a plane, or wondering, "What if I panic and can't get out of this situation?" you're not alone. Travel anxiety can affect people in many different ways. Some individuals experience racing thoughts before a trip, while others notice physical symptoms such as a rapid heartbeat, dizziness, nausea, or feelings of panic. For those who struggle with anxiety, agoraphobia, or claustrophobia, travel can feel particularly overwhelming. The good news is that anxiety does not have to prevent you from doing the things that matter to you. While the goal is not to eliminate anxiety completely, it is possible to develop tools that help you manage it and continue moving toward experiences that are important to you. 1. Engage Your Senses When anxiety starts to build, bringing attention back to your senses can help ground you in the present moment. Many people find it helpful to keep a strong sensory item nearby while traveling. Sour candy, peppermint gum, mints, or a cold carbonated beverage can create an intense sensory experience that redirects attention away from anxious thoughts and back to the present. While these tools will not eliminate anxiety, they can help interrupt the spiral of fear and provide a helpful grounding point. Ask yourself:
Grounding through the senses can help remind your brain that you are safe in the present moment. 2. Create a Comfortable Environment Travel often involves unfamiliar sounds, crowds, and sensory stimulation. Noise from airports, train stations, and airplanes can increase feelings of stress and overwhelm. Noise-canceling headphones can be a helpful way to reduce sensory input and create a greater sense of control. Listening to calming music, a favorite podcast, a guided meditation, or an audiobook can also help make travel feel more manageable. Creating small moments of comfort can go a long way when navigating an anxiety-provoking situation. 3. Prepare Familiar Comforts Anxiety often pulls us toward what feels safe and familiar. Before a trip, consider downloading favorite movies, television shows, playlists, podcasts, or audiobooks. Watching a comfort show or listening to familiar voices can provide a sense of predictability during an unfamiliar experience. These activities can also serve as healthy distractions when anxious thoughts become particularly loud. Sometimes comfort is not about avoiding anxiety. It is about giving yourself supportive tools while you work through it. 4. Look at Photos That Ground You One simple but powerful strategy is to keep photos of loved ones easily accessible on your phone. Pictures of your dog, family members, friends, favorite memories, or meaningful moments can help reconnect you to feelings of safety, connection, and joy. When anxiety convinces us that we are alone or far from home, these reminders can help us feel emotionally connected to the people and experiences that matter most. Looking through familiar photos can also serve as a grounding exercise by bringing your attention to positive memories and reminding you that home, relationships, and support systems still exist even when you are physically away. 5. Move Your Body Before Traveling Physical activity can be a helpful way to reduce stress before a trip. Whether it is a workout class, a walk around your neighborhood, stretching, yoga, or a quick jog, movement can help release tension and support emotional regulation. Exercise may also help reduce some of the physical sensations that often accompany anxiety. You do not need an intense workout. Even a short walk before heading to the airport can make a difference. 6. Slow Down Your Breathing When anxiety rises, our breathing often becomes shallow and rapid. Intentionally slowing your breathing can help calm your nervous system. Try this simple exercise:
Rather than fighting anxiety, focus on creating a slower rhythm in your body. Even a few minutes of intentional breathing can help reduce the intensity of anxious symptoms. Keep Going, Even When Anxiety Shows Up One of the most challenging parts of anxiety is that it often encourages avoidance. In the short term, avoiding situations can bring relief. In the long term, however, avoidance often strengthens anxiety and makes it more difficult to engage in the activities we value. Travel anxiety can be exhausting, frustrating, and isolating. At the same time, it is possible to feel anxious and still move forward. The goal is not to travel without anxiety. The goal is to build confidence in your ability to handle anxiety when it appears. Each trip, each train ride, each flight, and each step outside of your comfort zone is an opportunity to remind yourself that anxiety does not get to make all of your decisions. This summer, as the travel season ramps up, remember that you do not have to wait until you feel completely calm to participate in the experiences that matter to you. With preparation, self-compassion, and the right coping tools, you can learn to carry anxiety differently and continue creating meaningful memories along the way. By Allison Torsiglieri, MPH, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee We strive to be supportive, reliable, and empathetic in our close relationships. For some of us, wanting to support those we care about can grow into a more extreme state of feeling responsible for them. When we start to feel that sense of responsibility, we may find ourselves in the territory of codependence. Codependence is characterized by a pattern of making others’ needs, emotions, and problems our priority—often leading us to neglect our own well-being. A Note on Language: There is ongoing debate around and an evolution of how we use the term “codependence.” It is thus important that we use it with intentionality and explain what we intend it to mean when we do so. We want to be careful not to pathologize healthy human behaviors that are characteristic of being in a caring relationship. It is also crucial to be mindful of a relationship’s social and cultural context, asking ourselves: how is this relationship influenced by cultural or gender expectations around caregiving within a family? Codependence as an Adaptation Like many of our behaviors in relationships, codependence may have at one time felt like a necessary adaptation. If we grew up in homes that were unstable or unpredictable, like having a caregiver who was emotionally volatile, this may have taught us that to stay safe we needed to become adept at assessing and addressing the emotional needs of others. Becoming expert at anticipating others’ moods and needs gave us a sense of control and helped us feel safe amid uncertainty. In adulthood, even once we have exited those higher-stakes childhood environments, we may persist in an automatic state of relating to others as though we hold responsibility for their well-being, over our own. Repercussions of Codependence While the part of us that seeks to care for others arguably has noble intentions, this constant self-subjugating pattern of relating comes at a significant cost. When we are in a codependent relationship, taking on someone else’s emotional labor can have negative repercussions:
Achieving Interdependence The goal of moving out of codependence and towards interdependence is not to entirely detach or isolate from others, but rather to achieve balanced, reciprocally caring and concerned relationships. This balance involves members of a relationship supporting each other, while also being in touch with their own needs, as well as their own identities and values. Ways to begin the shift:
Using Self-Compassion to Reconnect with Our Own Needs Shifting away from engaging in codependent behaviors and thinking is greatly facilitated by self-compassion, and practicing this over time. The goal is to learn that we are worthy and we are good enough even when we are not being overly helpful or selfless. This is a process of getting back in touch with our own feelings and needs and recognizing that these deserve our attention—and that we can stay safe even when we attend to ourselves. If you or someone you know struggles with losing their sense of self in close relationships, therapy can provide a safe space to disentangle what might be unhealthy in these patterns, and to reconnect with one’s independence. References Aslanian, A. (2026, March 6). Understanding codependent relationships. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/codependency-in-relationships/ Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F., & Belton, S. (2020). The lived experience of codependency: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 18, 754–771. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8 Mental Health America (MHA). (n.d.). Co-dependency. https://mhanational.org/resources/co-dependency/ Psychology Today. (n.d.). Codependency. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/codependency By: Zoe Chambers-Daniel, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Self stimulatory behavior, also known as stimming, are repetitive movements that can help soothe ourselves when experiencing overwhelming emotions. Stimming can also increase focus, acting as a grounding tool to tune out distracting stimuli. Although stimming is associated with diagnoses such as ADHD and autism, it is something that all human beings do. If you have ever thought about stimming and what it can look like, this quick sensory guide is for you! There is no universal way to stim, and everyone engages in their senses differently. Vestibular Input - Roll neck and head slowly - Rock in a rocking chair - Tap toe, heel, or foot - Tap pencil/pen Tactile Input - Pet a furry animal - Twist your hair - Fidget with a necklace or ring - Trace skin with fingers Visual Input - Watch oil and water toys - Watch waves lapping the shore - Watch a sunset/sunrise - Adjust lighting in your room Auditory Input - Listen to your favorite song on repeat - Sing/hum to yourself - Notice the sounds of a busy street Verbal/Oral Input - Chew gum - Drink a carbonated beverage - Take slow, deep breaths Stimming can be a part of our daily lives without being fully conscious of it. This list of stims is a way to intentionally engage in our senses. This is not an exhaustive list of possible stimming, as it creates a foundation for you to create your own unique toolbox of regulation and/or focus! By Allison Torsiglieri, MPH, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Striving for perfection can be exhausting. What makes it even more so is the feeling that no matter what you achieve, there is always another “should”—another goal on the horizon. For some of us, perfectionism goes beyond ambition; it is a constant state of mind telling us that making mistakes is potentially dangerous. Perfectionism as Adaptation Our perfectionism may have roots in childhood: a strategy we developed to make sense of and move through the world safely. As children our brains are shaped by our repeated experiences; if not making mistakes consistently leads to positive attention from adults—and mistakes lead to conflict or punishment—we learn to maintain “good” behavior as a way to survive. And when as children our environments felt unpredictable or our circumstances felt out of control, our own perfectionism may have felt like a way to achieve a sense of control and safety. Perfectionism as Self-Protection By holding ourselves to high standards we may be trying to protect ourselves from the high standards of others. Maybe we figure that if we criticize ourselves first, others’ criticisms will hurt less. Or maybe we figure that by being critical of ourselves we can avoid mistakes entirely, thereby becoming immune to others’ critiques. Making mistakes can feel like a reflection of who we are—of our character. Perfectionism becomes tied to our identity, and to our sense of self-worth. To avoid being made to feel like we are not good enough, we endure anxiety and exhaustion from excessive self-criticism. Challenging Perfectionism In reality, mistakes are a part of everyone’s experience. Often, mistakes can be indicators that we are challenging ourselves to grow. When we avoid these kinds of mistakes, we are holding ourselves back from growth. Instead of protecting us, perfectionism can weigh us down by increasing our sense of shame in ourselves. The first step to lightening this burden can be trying to understand our perfectionism and its roots. Start to pay attention to what perfectionism feels like in your body and in your mind—e.g., tightness in your chest, or a feeling of irritability. When we notice those feelings of perfectionism coming up as we fixate on a few sentences in an email or blame ourselves for something we forgot to buy at the store, we can pause and ask ourselves: what about making a mistake here feels dangerous to us? What are we trying to protect ourselves from? This curiosity can lead to a clearer sense of perfectionism’s roots in childhood, and to a clearer picture of whether we are really in danger when we make a mistake. Once you’ve practiced noticing perfectionism and developing that curiosity about its role and its roots, consider running an experiment: when you make a mistake, notice what happens next. The more times you can show yourself that mistakes do not translate to danger, the more you can start to train your brain to experience mistakes as safe—and even as a natural part of growth. Striving for Self-Acceptance When we learn to accept ourselves even when we make mistakes, we can separate those mistakes from assessments of our worth. This journey—from relying on perfection to keep us safe, to finding safety within ourselves—takes time, patience, and support. Therapy can be a brave environment to slowly lower the shield of perfectionism, to explore vulnerability and pursue self-acceptance—self-acceptance as someone who cannot be perfect, but can keep themselves safe. |
Categories
All
Archives
October 2026
|
RSS Feed
|
|