Why Pride Can Bring Up Complicated Emotions

By Emma Shelton, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee

While Pride Month is famously a celebration of queer joy and community, it can also bring up complex emotions. Throughout the month of June, we as queer people may feel the constant urge to express our pride, joy, and general merriment for the identities and lives that we have built for ourselves. However, it can also be a reminder of past rejection, family or relational loss, and internalized fear and shame. Our emotional responses are shaped by our lived experiences, and while we may have plenty of moments of pride and joy, it's completely valid to remember the more complex aspects of our queer identity. 

The minority stress framework is the idea that marginalized populations (like LGBTQ+ individuals) can experience chronic stressors that impact their current emotional experiences. Chronic stressors can be: 
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• Expectations of rejection (based on past experiences or general concern)
  
• A history of concealing your identity for safety or self-protection
  
• Internalized heteronormative and cisnormative expectations
  
• Stress about gender presentation and being “visibly queer” in public spaces
  
• Fear of discrimination in medical, occupational, and other institutional settings
  
• Concern about personal safety in the current sociopolitical climate
  
• Any experience you have had as a queer person that causes identity, attachment, or relational stress
  

Over time, these stressors can add up to chronic anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional exhaustion, burnout, depressive symptoms, difficulty relaxing in safe moments, and grief. Even in affirming and allied spaces, these feelings can arise as grief, discomfort, comparison, and feeling “not queer enough”. While pride can be a space for connection and queer family, it's important to recognize that not everyone has access to a safe community, and not everyone may feel safe at a big pride event. People of color, transgender, gender nonconforming folks, and people with intersecting identities have historically been marginalized even within the LGBTQ+ community, and may not feel safe at predominantly cisgender and white events. 

Having mixed emotions about this time of year is completely normal. Whether you're experiencing grief over lost time or family distance, loneliness over lack of a community, or joy at being affirmed and celebrated, how you feel does not invalidate your identity or participation in pride. If you are feeling overwhelmed this month, try some of these exercises to ground yourself and celebrate pride in your own way. 

• Mindfulness! It doesn't need to be a whole meditation; try closing your eyes, grounding yourself, and feeling your emotions as they arise. Notice them without judgment and accept that this is what is happening in your body right now. If you need to step away, feel free to do so as long as you are remaining safe. 
  
• Setting boundaries! You don't have to go to every event, or any event at all. And if you do, you can always leave any time. 
  
• Create your own pride traditions! Start something new to connect with your community (or to build a new one). It can be something small and tailored to you– potlucks, park hangs, book clubs, etc.
  
• Engage in queer media! There is so much LGBTQ+ literature, podcasts, movies, TV, and more. Celebrate by supporting LGBTQ+ artists. 
  
• Most importantly, treat yourself with self-compassion, not judgment. Your feelings (however ambivalent) and your identity are valid and should be celebrated. 
  

Taproot Therapy is here for you this June, however you may be feeling. Happy Pride!




References:
The Trevor Project. (2021). Ways young folks can celebrate Pride Month. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/blog/ways-young-folks-can-celebrate-pride/
Hatzenbuehler, M. L. (2009). How does sexual minority stigma “get under the skin”? A psychological mediation framework. Psychological Bulletin, 135(5), 707–730. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0016441
Sanscartier, S., & MacDonald, G. (2019). Connectedness to the LGBTQ community and well-being among sexual minority individuals. Journal of Homosexuality, 66(14), 1983–2005. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31580125/