Spring Cleaning Boundaries

By Nora Carnevale, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee ​

Spring’s arrival brings an opportunity to refresh your space. This might look like a deep clean of your apartment, sorting through your wardrobe, or finally cleaning out that one overfilled junk drawer. During this time of renewal, perhaps consider reviewing some of the boundaries you have put in place in your life and evaluating what is and is not serving you at this moment. 
As a reminder, boundaries are limits we set for ourselves that protect us, and they are unique to each individual and situation. An ideal outcome of healthy boundaries can be the ability to comfortably say “no” and also be comfortable with closeness and intimacy. 

There are many different types of boundaries, with some listed below: 

• Physical boundaries: these relate to personal space and physical touch 
• Emotional boundaries: refer to feelings and the way we share them with others 
• Intellectual boundaries: these refer to thoughts and ideas 
• Sexual boundaries: refer to how and with whom sexuality is expressed 
• Material boundaries: these are about how you use your money and possessions 
• Time boundaries: related to how you spend your time 

(Therapist Aid, 2024) 

Boundaries exist on a continuum from porous to rigid, with a healthy boundary landing somewhere in the middle. For example, porous material boundaries could refer to overspending or giving to others in a way that does not promote your well-being or best interests. Rigid material boundaries could look like excessively guarding financial resources and feeling hesitant to spend on even necessities. A healthy material boundary could be donating to a cause you care about without giving beyond your means or helping someone in your life without creating dependency. If this sounds tricky to you, it could be a sign to revisit your material boundaries!  

If these categories are bringing to mind areas to feel too porous or rigid in your life, it could be a helpful exercise to journal about an example of a porous and rigid version of each, along with the healthy version of the boundary you would like to land on. Some other signs to review your boundaries include feeling pressured to attend too many social events, feeling spread thin at work, and having disproportionate responses to small inconveniences (Dutes & Aslam, 2022). 

Below are some tips for setting healthy boundaries: 
Once you have an idea of a boundary that would promote your well-being, it is important to remember that boundaries center on your response to a situation. A rule is put in place for someone else, (“you can’t speak to me like that”) whereas a boundary is put in place for ourselves (“if my friend raises their voice at me, I will end the phone call”). 
It might also be helpful to think about how you will communicate a boundary in advance. Interpersonal effectiveness techniques such as DEAR MAN can aid in expressing a boundary with confidence and respect. Oftentimes it is tempting to overexplain or justify decisions, but practicing direct communication helps deliver the message clearly and simply. 

Remember that boundaries are specific to each specific person, in each specific situation, and at this exact time. Boundaries can be flexible and relaxed if there are chances to experience new things and grow if it feels right to you. On the other hand, noticing when saying “yes” is a reflexive choice, and practicing saying “no” to protect your time and energy can also be very beneficial. Perhaps there is one category in which your boundaries could be relaxed and another where they could be reinforced. 

If you feel like you could use some help identifying healthy boundaries in your life, a therapist can help you explore what feels right for you! 


References
Dutes, K., & Aslam, M. (2022). How to set boundaries and protect your energy. NPR. https://www.npr.org/2022/07/05/1109825194/how-to-set-boundaries-nedra-tawwabTherapist Aid (2024). Boundary Types (Worksheet). Therapist Aid. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/boundary-types
Therapist Aid (2024). Tips for Healthy Boundaries (Worksheet). Therapist Aid. https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/healthy-boundaries-tips