How Smartphones Hijack Our Emotion Regulation

By Allison Torsiglieri, MPH, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee

It is hard to find a newspaper issue that does not sound an alarm about the negative impact of smartphones; this is perhaps no longer news at all. While we tend to worry most about how smartphones affect how we connect with others, it is also worth attending to how these devices change our relationship with our own emotions.

Have you ever felt the sudden urge to check your phone, even in the absence of a notification? Waiting for the subway or waiting in line at a deli, the reflex kicks in: you’re looking at your phone—checking Instagram, texts, and even emails. You may not even enjoy answering emails! In this moment, your phone is not offering joy, or purpose, or connection; it is a distraction from boredom, and perhaps even a salve for any anxiety brought on by the awkwardness of waiting. Your phone is acting as a kind of buffer against whatever else might pop into your head if you do not proactively fill your head with memes and videos and sales and recipes.

The Cycle Driving the Urge to Check and Scroll
This familiar sudden urge to check your smartphone may be driven by a “cycle of avoidance"—a pattern that commonly shapes our thinking without our realizing it:

1. When an unwanted emotion arises (e.g., worry about an upcoming performance, insecurity about what we’re wearing, loneliness on a night without any plans), our next move is to distract ourselves from that emotion—to make it go away. 
2. We turn to our phone as a distraction, and for a moment that emotion goes away. We are reinforcing for our brain the idea that our phone is the antidote to that unwanted emotion. When we repeat steps one and two countless times each day…that reinforcement has a significant impact on our behavior.
3. Over time, our reliance on our phone to cope with unwanted emotion grows stronger. And each time we rely on our phone for emotional support, we could instead be learning to regulate our emotions in a healthier way. Most importantly, we are neglecting the opportunity to process that emotion. When we leave emotions unprocessed, they may revisit us later with even greater intensity, or manifest in other ways—even as physical pain. 

How Can We Interrupt the Cycle?
A meaningful first step in interrupting our phone’s contribution to the cycle of avoidance is starting to notice its role. How often do you grab for your phone when an uncomfortable emotion starts to bubble up? And what are the feelings you are quickest to try to escape? 

Next, when you feel that urge to pick up your phone, try taking a short pause before you comply—taking just 10 seconds to sit with the emotion. Then try taking a 20-second pause. Extend the pause with time, to gradually weaken your attachment to your phone in moments of emotional distress—and to strengthen your comfortability sitting with yourself in that emotion.

A great starter kit for coping with moments of distress comes from a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) distress tolerance skill, spelling the acronym “IMPROVE”:

Imagery – Imagine you are somewhere that makes you feel happy, or somewhere you find calming. Or imagine yourself succeeding at the activity that is worrying you. 
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Meaning – How can you make meaning of the uncomfortable emotion you’re feeling? Is there a way you can learn or grow from this feeling? What is it trying to tell you about what matters to you?

Prayer – This might mean saying a prayer to a higher power, or it might mean zooming out and reminding ourselves of what unifies and connects us.

Relax – Seek out an activity that relaxes you, that does not involve your phone. This might mean spending time with a friend, or going for a walk, or watching a nature documentary.

One thing – Focus your attention on one thing at a time, rather than multi-tasking. 

Vacation – Take a trip! Whether that’s traveling or just taking a break from whatever you’re doing to take a trip in your mind, give yourself a true break.

Encouragement – Speak kindly and supportively to yourself. What are reasons to be proud of yourself right now? 

When you choose to take a break from your phone in this way, you will simultaneously reduce your screen time and strengthen your relationship with yourself. By sitting with hard emotions you are deepening your emotional resilience—something TikTok cannot do for us. You are telling yourself that you can handle your internal world, and that you deserve your undivided attention. 

Therapy presents a unique opportunity to work through emotions you notice your phone is shielding you from, as well as to brainstorm other screen-free ways to regulate those emotions when processing is not possible in the moment. Taproot Therapy is here to support you in interrupting your own cycles, and in building a more mindful relationship with your phone—and your emotions. 



References

Brand, M., Young, K. S., Laier, C., Wölfling, K., & Potenza, M. N. (2016). Integrating 
psychological and neurobiological considerations regarding the development and maintenance of specific Internet-use disorders: An interaction of person-affect-cognition-execution (I-PACE) model. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 71, 252–266. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2016.08.033

Haynes, T. (2018). Dopamine, smartphones & you: A battle for your time. Harvard University 
Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. https://unplugged.sunygeneseoenglish.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/31/2019/11/Domamine-PDF.pdf

Hayes, S. C., Wilson, K. G., Gifford, E. V., Follette, V. M., & Strosahl, K. (1996). Experiential 
avoidance and behavioral disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 1152–1168. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-006x.64.6.1152

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.