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By: Zoe Chambers-Daniel, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
People in the autistic community often experience social communication challenges, engage in restrictive/repetitive behaviors, and can feel overwhelmed by certain environmental stimuli (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). An autistic individual who has trouble engaging in conversation, interpreting facial expressions, participating in social events meant to build community, and absorbing harsh stimuli (such as lights, crowded spaces, multiple voices talking at once) can have a hard time forming and maintaining friendships with their neurotypical peers. A common myth about autistic people is that they prefer to be alone, when in fact many people on the spectrum desire social connection. Their social needs may, however, look different, which can often lead to misunderstandings. When asked what friendship means to them, autistic individuals that participated in research shared that friends share their interests, understand them as someone with different needs, and look after them. At the same time, autistic individuals may also perceive friendships as tiring because of the pressure to conform to neurotypical norms and mask their autistic traits (Black et al., 2024). When autistic people feel seen and understood, they report decreased feelings of loneliness (Mazurek, 2014; Sosnowy et al., 2019). Finding community can be difficult whether or not an autistic person wants friendship with someone of the same neurotype. Here are some considerations when pursuing new friendships in a neurodivergent affirming framework: 1. Connect through shared interests It can be difficult to start conversations with people you don’t know. Having an idea of what someone’s interests can make this task easier, especially if you share those interests! Consider joining groups or clubs focused on your favorite activities. 2. Be direct & honest Misunderstandings and conflict resolution are a normal part of friendship. It’s important to express your needs and preferences clearly! Some friends are great at providing distraction when you are feeling upset, and others are great at talking through a specific problem that you are having. Making it clear what you need from a specific friend and the qualities that are important to you can help you find your community. 3. Set clear boundaries Everyone has different energy levels and expectations of what activities are considered “fun.” Having a conversation with someone you are interested in bonding with about what situations typically lead you to feel overwhelmed and what typically helps you in those moments can help them understand your needs. It is also important to ask them what they need as well. 4. Prioritize authenticity Prioritizing authenticity can be difficult to do when there is a pressure to mask your neurodivergent traits. Friends that accept who you are and understand your needs make it easier to be yourself! Conforming to neurotypical standards can make you feel more lonely even when you are around others, so it’s important to keep in mind that good friends won’t make you feel bad about who you are. Thinking about friendship and what makes someone worth connecting with is a personal and unique experience. In exploring social connection needs, remember to be kind to yourself. There are different types of friendships, and the ones that don’t conform to neurotypical standards are just as valid. References American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596 Black, M. H., Kuzminski, R., Wang, J., Ang, J., Lee, C., Hafidzuddin, S., & McGarry, S. (2024). Experiences of friendships for individuals on the autism spectrum: A scoping review. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 11(1), 184-209. Mazurek, M. O. (2014). Loneliness, friendship, and well-being in adults with autism spectrum disorders. Autism, 18(3), 223-232. Sosnowy, C., Silverman, C., Shattuck, P., & Garfield, T. (2019). Setbacks and successes: How young adults on the autism spectrum seek friendship. Autism in Adulthood, 1(1), 44-51. By Lulu Lyle, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is based on the idea of radical acceptance, which means that people can both accept that “it is what it is,” but also work to change their behaviors for a desired outcome. In other words, one can validate the thought or feeling and still make change. It aims to arrive at the truth by exchange and synthesis of logical yet opposing arguments. Simply put, it is holding two truths at once. DBT was originally developed as the gold-standard treatment for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD); however, it can also be effective for a broader range of clients, including those experiencing anxiety, depression, substance use issues, emotional dysregulation without high risk. There are four main skill modules of DBT: mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation. These main areas help to manage emotions, behaviors, and relationships. Mindfulness Mindfulness is “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally" (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). DBT aims to teach clients the skills to build awareness and respond thoughtfully to their internal and external worlds. Some key skills to build include how to observe, describe, and participate intentionally. Distress tolerance Distress tolerance is “an individual’s perceived or actual ability to withstand negative emotional and/or other aversive states”(Simons & Gaher, 2005). In DBT, the client will learn skills to remember what to do in emotionally distressing situations. For example, one can focus on building skills to calm their nervous system down, like self-soothing techniques. Distress tolerance focuses on the importance of practicing radical acceptance through saying things to yourself like: I accept it as it is. I can’t change the past. I can only control the present. Interpersonal effectiveness Interpersonal effectiveness is how to “attend to relationships, balance priorities versus demands, balance the 'wants' and the 'shoulds,' and build a sense of mastery and self-respect in relationships” (Linehan, 2015). The interpersonal effectiveness skill module focuses on developing skills to build and maintain healthy relationships. DBT includes skills that teach clients how to assert themselves in terms of asking for something or saying no. Additionally, it includes skills for how to maintain and take care of relationships. Emotion regulation Emotion regulation refers to “the processes by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express these emotions” (Gross, 1998). The emotion regulation aspect helps clients understand and manage their emotional responses. There are DBT skills that help clients focus on the foundational parts of health that have to do with one’s own body because it is hard to help the mind when the body is also not functioning properly. Additionally there are tools such as “opposite action,” which explains how sometimes clients should respond to an emotion with a behavior opposite to its impulse. Lastly, the client will learn skills to reduce the tendency to vacillate between extreme expression and complete suppression. If you find yourself wanting to improve your mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and/or interpersonal effectiveness, DBT may be the best type of therapy for you! Overall you will learn to:
By Zoe Chambers-Daniel, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
The term "microaggression" was identified by psychiatrist and Harvard professor Chester M. Pierce. Defined as “subtle, stunning, often automatic, and nonverbal exchanges which are put-downs of blacks by offenders,” microaggressions perpetuate racist and discriminatory acts that hurt the black population over time (Pierce et al., 1977). The present understanding of microaggressions expands to all marginalized populations. There are many ways that these indirect actions can manifest. Common examples of microaggressions are perpetrators asking “Where are you really from?” when talking to someone with a marginalized racial/ethnic identity, making hurtful jokes based on someone’s identity, and invalidating experiences that the marginalized person has been hurt by (Sue et al., 2007). Although many people who commit microaggressions against marginalized communities are not always consciously aware of the impact of their words and actions, harm is still caused. Microaggressions that add up negatively impact an individual’s emotional and mental wellbeing. The invalidation, harmful language, and erasure of experience cannot always be addressed because of the subtlety. This can leave an individual feeling helpless. Because microaggressions can be a constant in some people’s lives, it is important to practice self care in response to the harm. Consider these tips to practice wellness in your experience of microaggressions: 1. Address the microaggression directly If you know that you are in a safe environment to have a conversation with the person that committed a microaggression, addressing the harm directly can be useful. If the microaggression was in the form of a joke, asking the individual to explain the punchline encourages them to think about what was said. An example of this is, “I don’t understand what is funny. Can you explain what you just said?” If someone makes an invalidating comment, sharing that what was said was hurtful can also be a way to address the harm and encourages the perpetrator to think about the impact of their actions despite having good intentions. 2. Prioritizing Physical Health Your physical and mental safety is important! It isn’t always safe to address someone directly and protecting yourself should come first. Furthermore, you may not always have the energy to educate someone on your identity and the implications of their actions. Instead, taking care of yourself in response can look like getting enough sleep at night and eating throughout the day to nourish yourself. Remember that taking care of yourself in the context of experiencing microaggressions can look differently for everyone. 3. Community Bonding Microaggressions attack an aspect of your identity, and a way to recover from that is spending time with your community. Whether as a form of distraction, intentional discussion of discrimination, or somewhere in between, community can heal. This community does not have to share your identity that was attacked, but should include people you feel safe with and that want what is best for you. 4. Personal Processing & Reflection Microagressions can be so subtle that they are hard to share with others, so it is important to take the time to personally reflect on your feelings. This can be done in different ways. Journaling is a practice that encourages self reflection and can be a way to explore how microaggressions affect self-esteem and connection to your identities. Creative arts expression such as dancing, singing, painting, crocheting and many other methods can also be a way to process the experience without assigning words to it. Microaggressions have a profound impact on all domains of wellbeing. Remember that your identities deserve to be respected. Unfortunately, that can’t always be guaranteed so it is important to practice self care in response. References Pierce, C. M., Carew, J. V., Pierce-Gonzalez, D., & Wills, D. (1977). An experiment in racism. Education and Urban Society, vol. 10, no. 1, pp. 61–87. https://doi.org/10.1177/001312457701000105. Sue, D. W., Capodilupo, C. M., Torino, G. C., Bucceri, J. M., Holder, A. M. B., Nadal, K. L., & Esquilin, M. (2007). Racial microaggressions in everyday life: Implications for clinical practice. American Psychologist, 62(4), 271–286. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.62.4.271 |
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