|
By Kate (Katie) Pargament, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
You moved out. You pay your own rent (mostly). You make your own decisions. So why does your childhood still seem to show up in your anxiety, your relationships, and the voice in your head? It turns out there's a good reason. A growing body of research suggests that the emotional environment our parents created — how they expressed warmth, set boundaries, and responded to our growing independence — continues to influence our mental health well into adulthood. You may have left home, but home hasn't entirely left you. The Four Parenting Styles, in Plain Language Psychologists generally describe four classic parenting styles, based on two ingredients: warmth and structure. Authoritative parenting combines high warmth with healthy structure. These parents set expectations, but they also listen, explain, and support their child's growing autonomy. Think: firm but loving. Authoritarian parenting is high on control but low on warmth. Rules are strict, obedience is expected, and emotional needs often take a back seat. "Because I said so" is the house motto. Permissive parenting is the reverse — plenty of warmth, but few boundaries. These parents are loving but hands-off when it comes to structure, limits, and follow-through. Neglectful (or uninvolved) parenting is low on both. Whether due to their own struggles, absence, or overwhelm, these parents provide little warmth and little guidance. Most families don't fit perfectly into one box. Many of us experienced different styles from different caregivers, or watched a parent's style shift over the years. But the overall emotional climate matters, and its effects are measurable. What the Research Shows Studies of young adults consistently find that those who grew up with warm, supportive, structured parenting tend to report better psychological well-being — lower anxiety, fewer depressive symptoms, and stronger coping skills — compared to peers who experienced harsh, controlling, inconsistent, or disengaged parenting. A few patterns stand out across the research: Warmth builds resilience: Young adults who experienced parental warmth and responsiveness in adolescence tend to handle stress more effectively in adulthood. The felt sense of being supported seems to become an internal resource we carry with us. Control comes at a cost: Even well-intentioned over-involvement — parents making decisions for their young adult children, applying intense pressure, or using guilt as a steering wheel — is linked with higher rates of anxiety and depression. Psychological control can interfere with the confidence and independence that early adulthood is supposed to build. Inconsistency creates risk: Harsh or unpredictable parenting is associated with greater vulnerability to depression, particularly in families where parents were also struggling with their own mental health. Family dynamics can function as either a risk factor or a protective one. The effects don't expire at 18 (perhaps the most striking): these patterns show up in college students and young adults living away from home. The parenting we received isn't just a childhood memory — it's woven into how we cope, connect, and talk to ourselves today. Why This Matters So Much Right Now Young adulthood has always been a period of transition, but today's emerging adults are navigating a particularly intense version of it: academic pressure, financial stress, career uncertainty, and the constant social comparison that comes with living online. Anxiety and depression among college-aged individuals have been steadily rising. In that context, the coping skills formed in our earliest relationships matter more than ever. When those foundations were shaky — when love felt conditional, rules felt suffocating, or support simply wasn't there — the stressors of adult life can feel disproportionately overwhelming. The Good News: Insight Is a Starting Point, Not a Life Sentence Here's what we want you to take from this research, and it's not "blame your parents." Understanding your family's emotional patterns isn't about assigning fault. Most parents did the best they could with the tools they had, and many were repeating patterns from their own upbringing. Instead, this research offers something more useful: an explanation. If you struggle with harsh self-talk, chronic anxiety, difficulty trusting your own decisions, or a nagging sense that you're never doing enough, those patterns may have roots that predate you — and roots can be examined, understood, and regrown. That's actually where our name comes from. A taproot is the deep, central root that anchors a plant and feeds everything above the surface. Therapy works the same way: we go beneath the visible symptoms to understand what's feeding them. In therapy, that can look like: - Recognizing how your family's dynamics shaped your inner voice, and learning to speak to yourself differently - Grieving the support you needed but didn't receive - Building the internal structure or self-trust that wasn't modeled for you - Setting boundaries with family in the present, without guilt swallowing you whole - Developing the secure, steady relationship with yourself that becomes the foundation for every other relationship in your life The research is clear that early family environments shape us. But it's equally clear that humans remain capable of growth, healing, and change throughout life. The patterns you inherited are not the patterns you have to keep. Sources: Jensen, T. M., Haase, C. M., & Doss, B. D. (2024). Parenting behaviors and emotional well-being in U.S. college students: A person-centered analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 38(2), 145–158. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001234 Keijser, J., van der Voort, A., & Albers, C. (2020). Parenting, parental mental health, and depressive symptoms from adolescence to young adulthood: A longitudinal study. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 49(4), 785–799. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-020-01222-5 Parra, A., Oliva, A., & Sánchez-Queija, I. (2019). Parenting styles and psychological adjustment in young adulthood. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(2), 354–367. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1260-4 Spitzer, R. L., Kroenke, K., Williams, J. B. W., & Löwe, B. (2006). A brief measure for assessing generalized anxiety disorder: The GAD-7. Archives of Internal Medicine, 166(10), 1092–1097. https://doi.org/10.1001/archinte.166.10.1092 Steele, R. G., & Doane, L. D. (2019). Parental psychological control and mental health in emerging adults. Journal of Adolescence, 72, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2019.01.005 Steinberg, L., Elmen, J., & Mounts, N. (2019). Authoritative parenting and adolescent adjustment revisited: Long-term effects on young adult coping. Developmental Psychology, 55(8), 1670–1682. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000765 By Natasha Stein, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Have you ever wondered why your heart races before sending an email, why you suddenly go blank during conflict, or why you apologize even when you haven't done anything wrong? These reactions aren't signs that something is wrong with you, they're signs that your nervous system is trying to keep you safe. Our autonomic nervous system talks to us more than we may think, and here's how: Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are automatic, involuntary responses our nervous systems have to danger, stress, or trauma. Fight: -The reaction your body has when it senses that it is in danger, and believes that you can overpower the threat. Your brain releases signals that can then prepare your body for action. -Can often manifest as: clenched jaw, increased heart rate, intense anger, frustration, knot in your stomach, becoming defensive, or irritability. Flight: -Your body may resort to fleeing the threat when it feels it cannot overcome the threat. It can be both physical and mental. -Can often manifest as: overthinking, avoidance, difficulty relaxing, Feeling fidgety, tense, or trapped. Freeze: -Freeze is a response that leaves the individual feeling frozen, paralyzed or “stuck” in place. It’s known as a defense mechanism that kicks in when fighting or fleeing seem impossible or unsafe. -Can manifest as: shutting down, procrastinating, feeling emotionally numb, going still, dissociating, or experiencing a mental fog. Fawn: -This is a lesser known response, but equally as important. Fawning occurs as a response to appease or placate the threat to reduce harm. It is a trauma response to try to “keep the peace.” -Can manifest as: saying yes when you mean no, avoiding conflict, apologizing excessively, prioritizing everyone else's needs, feeling responsible for others' emotions, or people pleasing. Each of these responses are important and occur without choice. These responses are automatic survival reactions, not choices. They’re deeply rooted in our nervous systems and shaped by biology, past experiences, and trauma. References: Algarin, A. B., Lee, J. Y., & Zhan, X. (2026). Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze: Rethinking Substance Use Through a Stress Response Lens. Current addiction reports, 13(1), 21. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-026-00723-5 Taylor, M. (2026, May). What does fight, flight, freeze, Fawn Mean?. What Does Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn Mean? https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-does-fight-flight-freeze-fawn-mean By Emma Dall, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
When many people think of ADHD, they picture someone who is easily distracted, constantly fidgeting, or unable to sit still. Yet these characteristics only tell part of the story. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects much more than attention. It can influence how a person organizes tasks, manages emotions, controls impulses, and navigates everyday responsibilities. ADHD looks different from person to person, and understanding it beyond common stereotypes can lead to greater awareness and compassion. Attention Regulation One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that people with the condition simply "can't pay attention." In reality, ADHD is often better understood as a difference in attention regulation. Many people with ADHD can focus deeply on activities they find interesting or rewarding, while finding it much harder to shift their attention to less engaging tasks. This may look like:
These experiences are not a reflection of intelligence, motivation, or effort. They are related to differences in how the brain regulates attention. Executive Functioning Plays a Major Role Many of the challenges associated with ADHD are connected to executive functioning, which are the mental skills that help us plan, organize, manage time, remember information, and complete tasks. Someone with ADHD may know exactly what they need to do, but have difficulty getting started, staying organized, or following through. This disconnect can be frustrating and is often misunderstood by others. Emotional Regulation ADHD also affects emotional regulation, though this is often overlooked. Many people with ADHD experience emotions more intensely and may have a harder time managing frustration, disappointment, or overwhelm. Learning strategies to recognize and regulate these emotions can be just as important as improving organization or attention regulation. ADHD Looks Different for Everyone No two people experience ADHD in the same way. Some individuals are highly active and impulsive, while others may appear quiet, forgetful, or easily overwhelmed. Symptoms can also change over time, meaning ADHD may look different in childhood than it does in adolescence or adulthood. Because ADHD affects each person differently, support should always be individualized rather than based on generalizations. ADHD Comes With Strengths While ADHD can create challenges, it is also associated with many strengths. Many individuals with ADHD are creative, curious, adaptable, energetic, and innovative thinkers. Recognizing these strengths alongside the challenges provides a more balanced and affirming understanding of ADHD. Finding the Right Support Support can make a meaningful difference. Therapy, medication, accommodations, coaching, and practical strategies can all help individuals better understand how their brains work and develop tools that fit their unique needs. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. The goal is not to change who someone is, but to help them build on their strengths while developing skills to navigate daily life more effectively. References:
By Emma Shelton, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee Have you ever felt overwhelmed by daily stressors, had trouble managing interpersonal relationships, or struggled to regulate your emotions? If so, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) might offer some helpful skills for you. While DBT was originally developed for specific mental health diagnoses, its emphasis on building practical coping skills means it can be helpful in a myriad of situations. And, you don't have to be in DBT therapy to benefit from these skills, as they're designed to help anyone respond to life's challenges more effectively. DBT is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change, two seemingly conflicting ideas. Instead of trying to eliminate difficult emotions and behaviors, DBT teaches us to acknowledge them and validate that these are reasonable responses to the stress we are going through. At the same time, DBT encourages us to recognize that these feelings and behaviors do not define us or have to last forever. We can acknowledge them while choosing behaviors that align with our values and long-term goals. DBT is built around four main skill areas that help people better manage emotions, cope with stress, and improve relationships. These are:
1. Mindfulness Mindfulness has become pretty popular over the years, but at its core, it means being fully present in the moment without judgment. This is important not only because it is the foundation for the other DBT skills, but also because it increases your awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the moment. There are a few ways we can practice this. One way might be simply doing one thing at a time. When you’re eating dinner, instead of watching TV, planning out the rest of your night, and scrolling on your phone, put the distractions away and focus solely on your meal. Another way could be a five-senses grounding exercise. When your anxiety is activated, you may be thinking about the past (I shouldn't have done that) or the future (this is going to ruin everything). Take a moment and:
This simple exercise can help interrupt anxious or racing thoughts and reconnect you with the present moment. 2. Distress Tolerance Distress tolerance, at its core, is about skills for getting through difficult moments without making them worse. This helps us reduce impulsive reactions during emotional crises and become more comfortable sitting in distress. It also builds resilience by allowing us to tolerate situations that cannot be changed immediately. One way to practice this is the TIPP method, which is a set of techniques that can help shift your physical body out of fight-or-flight mode. It stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation
3. Emotional Regulation Emotional regulation is about learning to understand, manage, and respond to your emotions. While we can learn a lot from the emotions we feel in situations, we don’t have to let them dictate our behavior. One way we help decrease our emotional vulnerability is by taking care of ourselves. The PLEASE acronym details how we do this:
When our physical health is struggling, we're more likely to experience intense emotions or have difficulty coping with stress. By taking care of these basic needs, we create a stronger foundation for managing emotions. 4. Interpersonal Effectiveness Interpersonal effectiveness is about communicating clearly, navigating interpersonal relationships, and maintaining your boundaries and self-respect. This can help improve your communication in relationships and increase confidence in expressing your own needs. One way to practice this is the FAST method for maintaining self-respect in relationships.
This frame for interpersonal interaction can help you to engage in communication without sacrificing yourself. The good news is you don't need to be an expert to engage in DBT skills. You can practice these skills whenever you want, in response to whatever stressors come up. However, if you are interested in learning more or engaging in more structured DBT sessions, we are hosting a virtual DBT skills group starting July 15, 2026. References Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. American Psychological Association.  By Natasha Stein, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee Butterfly tapping, also commonly known as the butterfly hug, is a self-soothing technique that is simple, but evidence based! In 1998, Lucina Artigas developed this technique to help trauma survivors calm their nervous systems. Artigas intended for the technique to work alongside EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, but it can also be an effective “on-the-go” form of emotional regulation! The technique consists of wrapping your arms around your chest, as if to hug yourself, and using rhythmic, alternating tapping on your chest to soothe the nervous system. The theory behind the tapping is that by using bi-lateral stimulation (BLS), you are activating the entire brain. The activation helps process and sort thoughts, while regulating emotions. How it works:
What this does: The technique is meant to combine the soothe of self touch, mindfulness, and intentional breathing to ease anxiety. The rhythmic tapping or patting mimics a steady heartbeat and a comforting hug, which can lead to the release of calming neurochemicals in your brain. The butterfly tapping method can be used to manage negative emotions at any time, and in any situation. It can be subtle, or be turned into a mindfulness mediation! References: The butterfly hug technique | trauma research UK. Trauma Research UK. (n.d.). https://traumaresearchuk.org/the-butterfly-hug-technique/ Tappana, J. (n.d.). The butterfly hug & EMDR — aspire counseling. Aspire Counseling. https://aspirecounselingmo.com/blog/the-butterfly-hug-resourcing-amp-bilateral-stimulation-in-emdr  |
Categories
All
Archives
August 2026
|
RSS Feed
|
|