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By Allison Torsiglieri, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
For some of us, shopping is more than a way to get the things we need; it can also be a temporary mood-booster. And while “retail therapy” is not traditional therapy, it can take on the role of a coping skill, helping us regulate our emotions. Coping skills are useful when we cannot immediately process a difficult emotion, or when a difficult emotion feels overwhelming or distressing and we want to soften its intensity. Shopping as coping can be helpful in moderation—and of course, when you need to buy something, you need to buy something! But becoming over-reliant on shopping as coping can have negative repercussions—including financial strain, which can in turn lead to stress and even familial conflict. When we shop as a way to cope with an unwanted emotion, we are delaying processing that emotion. But we ultimately do want to sit with and make sense of that emotion: what is it trying to tell us? When we overrely on shopping as a coping mechanism we also miss out on the opportunity to practice using other coping skills—including those without a price tag! What Happens When We Shop? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that functions as part of our reward system: when we anticipate or engage in something we enjoy, a high amount of dopamine is released in the brain. Behaviors that release dopamine in the brain become behaviors we are motivated to seek out again. (Read more about dopamine in Zoe Chambers-Daniel’s blog post, Dopamine’s Role in Motivation.) Because dopamine is released when we expect something pleasurable to happen, shopping can feel exciting even before we make a purchase; “window shopping” in itself is a stimulating activity. Even when we make a purchase we are anticipating a reward: a delivery of a package containing a new pair of shoes, for example. But once the new item is in our possession and we no longer feel any anticipation, dopamine levels drop. For some of us, this is when “buyer’s remorse” or even shame might kick in: why did I spend money on something I don’t need, and that doesn’t make me happy? And when the dopamine spike subsides, the original “unpleasant emotion” that triggered our purchase is often still there, now accompanied by possible financial guilt. In this way, shopping serves to mask or postpone our emotion, but does not resolve it. Exploring Shopping Alternatives If you’re looking to cut down on using shopping to cope with unpleasant emotions, consider these interventions: 1. Next time you feel the impulse to shop around or make a purchase, ask yourself what you were thinking about or feeling right before the impulse emerged.
2. Consider alternative coping strategies. It can be helpful to create a list for yourself of alternative mood-boosting activities you can reference and select from when an emotion arises that you might otherwise cope with using shopping. You might also consider exploring these alternatives with your therapist, who can draw from Dialectical Behavior Therapy’s approach to distress tolerance. 3. Ask yourself: would I still want to buy this if I had to wait a few days to do so? Try pausing for 48 hours before making the purchase, and see if the urge is still there. 4. Ask yourself how long this item will realistically serve you before it needs to be replaced or discarded. How much effort will you have to expend to find another home for it—e.g., selling it, donating it, or discarding it? 5. To lessen the financial strain of shopping as coping, consider keeping purchases to a very small dollar amount, or even sticking to window shopping; anticipation will still trigger the release in dopamine that serves as a temporary mood boost. Living in a society that values consumerism means that we are surrounded by reminders to shop: ads on podcasts, social media, websites, and even billboards. Sometimes it can feel like fighting an uphill battle when we are trying to overcome the urge to shop. Remember to give yourself grace, and to seek out support from your community, and your therapist. References Cleveland Clinic. (2022, March 23). Dopamine: What it is, function & symptoms. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22581-dopamine Cleveland Clinic. (2024, December 10). Why ‘retail therapy’ makes you feel happier. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/retail-therapy-shopping-compulsion Brain Academy. (2025, August 11). The neuroscience of buying things you don’t need [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8ZP7ZM6nH8 By Cathy Wang, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Hello dear reader! This blog will be exactly what it says on the tin — I started therapy in my sophomore year of high school and knew from there I wanted it as a part of my life. Now, pursuing therapy as a career, I’ve been reflecting on some of the most lasting takeaways (in no particular order) I learned from my own time in therapy that I bring into the work I do. So follow along and I hope you find something that sticks with you too! 1. Your best may not always be the best This was one of my very first “aha” moments in therapy. Growing up in an immigrant household and attending an extremely competitive high school, I was frequently stricken with imposter syndrome and anxieties that I would never measure up to the markers of success that had long been ingrained in me—straight A’s, a perfect SAT score, and the Ivy League. High school was also, not-so-coincidentally, when I was confronted with the reality that even if I gave my all to something, it still may not end in “success” (aka a less than satisfactory SAT score). It was in a session with my therapist, talking through the immense disappointment I felt in myself (and that SAT score), that my therapist noted this glaring truth I had always managed to overlook. Constraints of time, energy, and effort would always get in the way of “perfection” and it was simply unsustainable to continue chasing after it. What truly mattered was giving it my all and understanding that simple fact made the end result of a test score superfluous. Of course, it would still feel good to achieve “the best” and of course it was still a marker to shoot for but if I didn’t quite get there, I could rest easier knowing I did the best I could even if it didn’t quite achieve the best. 2. There are no “good” and “bad” feelings When I first started therapy, it was my belief that if I did it right and if I did it for long enough, I would reach some hypothetical enlightened me that was eternally at peace. She was calm and happy and content. She didn’t get angry or sad or frustrated, those feelings would simply blow over her. In my mind, that would be the complete me, the best version of me, and someone within reach. With this goal in mind, I began to avoid hard feelings, labeling them as purely negative, fearing they would overtake me and hinder my progress. In reality, this only made those hard feelings bigger and stickier. No longer was it a reasonable sadness or momentary anger, it was some hulking monster that threatened my progress. When I brought that distress into the room, I realized I was standing in the way of my own progress—not towards that hypothetical me that didn’t feel hard feelings but one that wasn’t bowled over by it. Hard feelings are essential. They tell us something, teach us something, and make those lighter feelings all the more bright. It was then that I stopped fearing those hard feelings and certainly stopped seeing them as bad or a sign that something was deeply wrong with me. Feelings are feelings, they make up a human life, and it’s a privilege to experience them. 3. Two things can be true at the same time Holding two seemingly conflicting truths at the same time is something I’m still working on. It feels at odds with the natural way of the world and is something I feel most acutely when examining certain relationships in my life. Someone could have hurt me deeply and I could still desperately want to be in relationship with them and be vulnerable with them again even as my scared sensibilities tell me to protect myself. Trying to decide which side to be on, if I should be angry at them or forgive and forget, wasn’t working as both sides felt deeply true. Taking the time to honor both those feelings granted me a needed reprieve and I find solace in the simple fact that feelings and life are complicated. I am complicated and to try and shove myself on one side or another would be a disservice to myself. 4. Don’t “should” on yourself This is a fairly new adage for me and one I learned from a mentor of mine that felt particularly pertinent to work I’ve been doing in therapy. It’s natural to develop expectations—of yourself, of others, of the future—but more often than not they lead to disappointment and judgement. I often think, “I should be studying instead of watching TV,” “I should have reacted differently,” “My parents should have treated me in this way” and it eats away at me and my time. I’m left judging myself and my situation instead of actually doing anything. This is something I’ve also noticed in clients of mine. Often, they will report distress which comes as a result of not measuring up to some imagined and desirable hypothetical they’ve come up with rather than noticing and honoring the very real circumstances they are dealing with. Practicing patience and kindness with themselves and with myself has been immeasurably fruitful. 5. Believing something takes practice and time So much of my time in therapy has been rehashing the same essential problems and reaching the same conclusions. At first I found it frustrating: Why couldn’t I just get these things through my head? This lasted until a few psychology classes in undergrad and some kind words from my therapist made me realize I have been guided by certain thought patterns for a majority of my life, decades of believing certain truths. How could all those years of strengthening certain pathways in my brain, mental shortcuts that define my world, change in an instant? Changing means changing my brain, it means literally building new pathways and of course that takes time and practice! That doesn’t mean I don’t still get frustrated (that’s a pathway I’m still working on) but it helps to alleviate the frustration that comes with some “shoulds” that inevitably creep up as I continue therapy. 6. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability I believe it’s true for a lot of people that it feels a whole lot safer to hold our feelings close to our chests and guard them, especially when entering into conflict. It feels like the smarter option to prepare a logical argument or deflect and point out what may be going on for the other person. As I work to rebuild a challenging relationship, I’ve found myself trying to steel myself for upcoming confrontation, prepare a tool-belt of rebuttals but at the behest of my therapist, I entered into a recent one with nothing but the truth of what I was feeling (and a little bit of emotional preparation in the form of affirmation). The conversation was better than any we’d ever had. Did it still hurt? Of course! But we were able to see each other. I may be particularly lucky with the people in my life but I’ve found that vulnerability without defenses or presumptions typically breeds more vulnerability. Without the shields and defenses up, people are able to truly see each other. To be willing to share my hurt feelings and center the truth of the matter, that we are two people who care for each other, has helped bridge so many gaps. In all areas of my life, I try to lead with my feelings, with honesty that doesn’t bite, and have found that it makes those around me feel safe enough to do the same and open themselves up. 7. Be kind to yourself I had to end with this one. I think this was a very apparent through-line in all of my takeaways but I felt it still deserved to have a line of its own. Through everything, give yourself grace, kindness, patience, and love. You’re quite literally stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. If you can’t make your own heart and mind a safe space, who else can? Don’t do yourself a disservice by making the skin you’re living in hostile. Be kind to yourself, give yourself room to grow, and don’t waste your time judging yourself for those growing pains! Well, that’s it! I hope you were able to find something here that you can take and plant in your own life. By Zoe Chambers-Daniel, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
Have you ever needed to complete a task and the motivation to start was nowhere to be found? Whether it be doing laundry, studying for an exam, or making an appointment over the phone, our ability to get things done can be understood in the context of the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine, also known as the brain’s reward system, is released when we engage in activities that bring pleasure, which in turn reinforces us to continue engaging in that behavior. Dopamine is also released when we are anticipating that pleasure (Bromberg-Martin, 2010). For example, someone that knows that when they finish writing their final paper for the semester, they will have dinner at their favorite restaurant with their friends, gets a dopamine hit that acts as a motivator to complete a task that may not bring pleasure by itself. In thinking about dopamine’s role in motivation, it is important to note that tasks such as laundry can’t always be completed with a fancy dinner waiting at the finish line. What can we do to motivate ourselves and use dopamine to our advantage? A dopamine menu is a possible solution to the person struggling to start tasks such as studying and household chores. A customizable tool to stimulate dopamine receptors, a dopamine menu is a list of activities that are organized using restaurant menu language to engage in during different times when you need a boost (McCabe, 2020). This is what you can expect from a dopamine menu: Starters Similar to appetizers at a restaurant, “starters” are activities that don’t take long but still give us a boost of energy, something that is crucial in finding the motivation to complete a task. Examples of starters include going on a short walk or listening to your favorite song. Mains “Mains” take a little longer. Think of activities that are enjoyable for you such as calling a loved one on the phone or watching an hour of television. Similar to an entree in a restaurant, this activity can be used when you need a little bit more time to build up the momentum to start a task. Sides “Sides” are activities that give you a dopamine boost while you are completing your task. An example of this is listening to a curated playlist while you are cleaning your bedroom. Sides accompany you while you are doing something that may not bring enjoyment on its own. Desserts “Desserts” are dopamine boosting activities that are done in moderation such as scrolling on social media, or actually getting a sweet treat. This aspect of the menu can be used as a motivator after the task you set out to do is complete. Specials “Specials” are the big celebrations like going out to your favorite restaurant at the end of a long semester or going on vacation. With specials you play the long game and it can serve as a motivating factor for longer periods of time. A dopamine menu is an accessible tool to use when you are lacking motivation. Because you can make it your own, incorporating activities into your schedule is easier because you choose what goes in each section. This creative way of stimulating our brains to get tasks done also affects our attitudes toward our own levels of competency. Knowing that we can complete tasks that we may be dreading increases our self determination (Morsink, 2021). However you decide to customize your dopamine menu, know that you have autonomy over what gets you motivated to complete tasks. Embrace the creativity that comes with making your menu. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach. References Bromberg-Martin, E. S., Matsumoto, M., & Hikosaka, O. (2010). Dopamine in motivational control: rewarding, aversive, and alerting. Neuron, 68(5), 815–834. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuron.2010.11.022 McCabe, J. (2020, May 26). How to give your brain the stimulation it needs [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6WCkTwW6xg Morsink, S., Van Der Oord, S., Antrop, I., Danckaerts, M., & Scheres, A. (2021). Studying Motivation in ADHD: The role of internal motives and the relevance of Self Determination Theory. Journal of Attention Disorders, 26(8), 1139–1158. https://doi.org/10.1177/10870547211050948 By Margot Gaggini, Taproot Therapy Clinical Trainee
By late winter, many clients present with increased fatigue, irritability, reduced motivation, emotional blunting, or a vague sense of dissatisfaction. While these symptoms may resemble depression, they often reflect a seasonal “winter slump”, a pattern of emotional and behavioral change shaped by environmental, biological, and psychosocial factors. These presentations are common, yet frequently minimized, particularly when clients remain high functioning in their daily lives. Biological and Circadian Influences Reduced exposure to daylight during winter months disrupts circadian rhythms, affecting sleep-wake cycles, energy regulation, and mood. Seasonal changes in light exposure have been linked to alterations in serotonin turnover and melatonin secretion, both of which play a role in affect regulation and emotional resilience (Lambert et al., 2002). Even in the absence of Seasonal Affective Disorder, circadian misalignment can contribute to low mood, cognitive fatigue, and emotional flattening. Behavioral Constriction and Loss of Reinforcement Winter is also associated with decreased physical activity, reduced social engagement, and fewer opportunities for pleasurable or meaningful experiences. From a behavioral activation framework, this reinforcement can contribute to mood decline and increased withdrawal, even when cognitive distortions or acute stressors are not prominent (Martell et al., 2010). Psychosocial and Emotional Amplification As external structure and novelty decrease, underlying stressors such as occupational burnout, caregiving strain, relational tension, or unresolved grief often become more salient. Clients may report increased rumination, self-criticism, or a sense of stagnation rather than overt sadness. Many express confusion or shame about their emotional state, particularly those who identify as high-achieving or self-reliant. Differential Considerations Clinically, it is important to differentiate the winter slump from major depressive disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, adjustment disorders, or burnout. While symptom overlap exists, the winter slump often lacks pervasive anhedonia, hopelessness, or significant functional impairment. Nonetheless, research suggests that subthreshold seasonal symptoms are associated with meaningful distress and reduced quality of life and warrant clinical attention. Therapeutic Interventions and Clinical Focus Evidence-based interventions that are particularly effective during winter months include:
Therapeutically, the goal is often not rapid symptom resolution, but rather supporting adaptive pacing, emotional attunement, and sustainable coping. Normalizing seasonal vulnerability while maintaining clinical curiosity allows clients to engage with this period without pathologizing themselves or feeling pressured to “push through.” Takeaway The winter slump reflects an interaction between biological rhythms, environmental constraints, and psychosocial stress. Addressing these experiences with contextualized, rhythm-aware, and compassionate care can be both stabilizing and clinically productive. References
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